Fantastic read!

Your writing style is excellent. The focus and pace were very well done.

I really was inspired while reading this. Again, well done!

Likewise. You should tell DocIII to head this way.

Thanks for the praise, more thanks for the criticism.

Some clarification:

Doc III ran the game.  He frequented the old forum, I'll have to make sure he knows about the move.  Fine fellow, and excellent GM.

PCs were:

Nilus Isen: Arbiter! Pretty nice guy! Filthy heretic, due to demonic pacts during the previous adventure!

Varn, just Varn: Savage Guardsman from the downright horrible planet of Dusk! His I.D. card reads Varn j. Varn.

Agrona Warwick: Techpriest! Sadly, she joined late and couldn't make it to every session.

Luc Fiend DuCassius: Noble-born Scum, played by yours truly! I suppose that accounts for why he comes off as the hero in the retelling, but honestly it's mostly accurate and I really was the only one who gave a damn about 'dem orphans.

Auditor DeCarabas and Intelligencer Whites were NPCs.

Incidentally, Varn's player is going to think it's hilarious someone thinks he's the most interesting character.  Honestly, I took some liberties portraying his subconscious.  I don't really know what the big lug is thinking most of the time, though he does consistently deny that anything is his fault, and have an amusing combination of bloodlust and a keenly developed sense of when to run.

Isen plays his cards close to his chest.  He has backstory, I know, and he was using an alias when we first met him, but he hasn't let enough slip for me to get a feel for him.

Any suggestions on making Luc a more memorable character?  He's fun as hell to play, but I suppose "sardonic nobleman with a heart of gold" is a bit of a type.

Oh, and all the flashback bits about demons and burning and so forth actually occured in earlier sessions.  The characters are all becoming more interesting as they accumulate memories and nightmares.

Can we get this as a PDF or something? I want to make sure I don't forget about it.

Of all the characters, I think Luc needs the least developing - but that is most likely because it was your character and you were telling the story. So of course some of the events will seem centred on him.

Can we get physical descriptions of the characters and perhaps even their gear?

This fine tale of madness and heresy was written up after, at the end of last week's session, I told my players that they could get bonus XP by writing up what they remembered from this adventure.  I didn't specify the format other than to suggest as examples 1) a written report for their Inquisitor or 2) just a detailed outline.

Domis took it in another direction and did a bang up job as you can see in the above posts.  Now I have to decide how much XP to give him.

While I'm musing on the subject a few minor corrections and explanations are in order.  (By doing so I do not intend to detract from his work, he did a great job and has earned his bonus)

Spellings (Of which Brother Domis could not have known as he only heard rather than ever saw written down)

Hive Eurus (after one of the winds of Greek myth, in my campaign the six Hives of Baraspine are all named for various winds, the capitol being Hive Hesarus)

Intelligencer Weitsz (not Whites)

Arbitrator Eisen (as opposed to Isen, but hey maybe you can convince JR that your spelling is better, then you'd be correct after a little retcon)

Areli Air Systems (no idea where Adonicus came from)

Ok, ok enough picking nits.

As to the general gist of the plot, the story is fairly accurate.

Timing and order of several events have been changed with many details time compressed and some semi-significant events left out (the "Invisible murders" spring to mind).  Also many investigative and evidentiary steps/clues and puzzles were glossed over.  I imagine much of this was merely artistic license for pacing purposes and to make it an easy to follow and engaging read.  The villains were in many cases more careful and subtle than it would seem from this rendering.  The Investigation was not so easy, they really had to put in the hard work to figure things out and win through (which they did in fine form) 

Other than these types of things and some details, the only big shift was to focus so much on Luc DuCassius as the main hero.  But then again who would ask a player to downplay his own character's heroics in the account of events he himself is drafting?

All in all, I give Brother Domis 8-9 out on a scale of ten for doing this.  It really is above and beyond any requirement I may have had.  Good Show.

[Any other GM's out there feel free to message me if you have an opinion on how much XP this should be worth]

[However, if by chance this should ever make it into a BL competition I want a co-author credit, you wrote it, but the plotline and portrayals of the planet and NPC's were from my deranged mind.  ;) ]

@Headhanger

It's conceivable that we may be able to come up with character sketches and full gear lists if their really is interest in such. 

@my players

(Martin if you're reading this scan in that drawing of Varn, damnit!)

What's up, Doc?

Yeah, you know what was more difficult than portrayed in the story?  Not getting executed.  I didn't mention the full extent of the frame job Matsuka set up, including altering the lab results on my bloodwork, renting that apartment while disguised as me and setting up the creepy psycho wall-o-murder-plans there, or the dry cleaning receipt for my coat found with the 12th victim.  I nearly got offed by the Adeptus Arbites 5 minutes into the first session.

Seriously, Doc, this was the worst situation you've started one of my characters in since you dropped me alone, in the desert, surrounded by enraged vampires, with a bum leg.

I'm not complaining, though, I love a challenge.  Going from death row to taking over a corporation was one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had in gaming.  Gentlemen, if you're ever in SC, beg Doc to run a game for you.  Have a backup character ready.

As for me portraying Luc as the hero, do you remember this exchange?

Me: We can't just shoot down the airship, it's full of children!

Other Acolytes: Yeah, and?

Or this one:

Me: All right, we're going in to consult with the Mechanicus.  Varn, you coming?

Varn: Nah, I'll watch the car. (Proceeds to chug a bottle of chaos-tainted liquer he stole earlier, wander off and kill two people and shoot a woman in the arm.  We come back to find him sitting quietly in the car, covered in blood.)

Granted, Isen executing the Gendarmes Commissioner was pretty cool.  Would have included it, but the writeup was already so long.

But yes, the plot was dense and murderous.  To contain all the details, I'd have to do at least a novellette.

Incidentally, here's a moral quandry for all you fine fellows:  Should Luc have his new daughter mind-cleansed?  Would doing so be freeing her from the burden of her horriffic past, or murdering her self, leaving only a blank slate?

Brother Domis said:

Eh, I just figured it was the best way to make sure your new character was really part of the action, not just tacked onto to things with no excuse for being involved than "hi I'm a PC"  Besides, it made things so EASY for you.  After all you never had to ask "What's my motivation?"

Just be glad I didn't teleport you to another world where you'd get shot out of the sky by a dwarf in a magic helicopter....

DocIII said:

It was a GNOME, and that was my second RPG character ever.  You're a monster. 

I had to bite my tongue as not to mention certain aspects of your game DocIII as I almost forgot that Domis was actually still playing in an ongoing campaigne. I've adopted the same tactic,  I started it with Heavy Gear where all my players where Peaceriver Cops and had them file reports at the end of each session (in character) one player even strong armed other players into writing his reports for him (it was in character) and simply changed theri name's to his and altered other things slightly (just enough) to get them into trouble (as he was a senior officer and not to be disbelived in the presence of these rookies.)

I've since used this in other games and my WFRP game has benifited greatly form this. ALthough I REALLY do like Domis' work (especially having had a diffrent perspective of events -- thank you Doc.) I much perfer in character in 'world' style write ups in the form of reports, diarys, letters, poems ect. besides putting my player more in touch with their character I've been able to use the items as props, handouts and to adavance the plot. Its been grand. I usualy award 35-75 bonous XP for such activty depending on how well done or how much effort I think went in or just on how bloody amusing it was (for me).

Also a great advantege to in character writing of this type is it allows me as the GM to have a look into the mind and thought process of the characters, how they think what they're plans are / might be how they feel about (N)PCs its much better than saying -- 'How do you feel about so-and-so' or 'What did you think about that dinner party you attened last night... All in all though very well done, both of you. I've enjoied reading about your game from the various perspectives.

Funny you should mention that, Wu Ming... I initially started the writeup as a letter from Luc to his creepy sisters Mara and Moira.  However, that approach made it difficult to reveal what I wanted to about Varn and Isen, because Luc didn't know.

Now that their backgrounds are established, though, future writeups will probably be fragments of Luc's journal and correspondence, maybe with a few descriptions of vido clips; footage of interrogations, home movies of Luc teaching his daughter to be a proper young lady and fire a laspistol, etc.

Keep in mind the kid is only about 7 or 8 years old.  Not that a kid can't be taught to shoot at such a tender age, just food for thought.

Keep in mind the kid is only about 7 or 8 years old.  Not that a kid can't be taught to shoot at such a tender age, just food for thought.

Yes, I've taken that into consideration.  That's why Luc will be getting her something small, with low recoil, for her adoption party.  We haven't a clue when her birthday was, so, well, you understand.  Luc's also going to try to have his sisters send along a lady's maid and a little rask pup for her, though the shipping might take a while.  Oh, and she'll need xenomesh armor, and, if she's very good, a pony.

In the grim darkness of the far future, Daddy Warbucks is training Little Orphan Annie as an assassin.

Still hung up on the mind-cleansing issue, though.

Yes, that certainly was a grand tale. As for mind wiping the child... I imagine with what happened whatever pesonality she had was most likely obliterated. So forcing a child to remember those horrible memories or giving her a fresh slate you can mold as you see fit. Well, now there could be an even worse fate... Eh, have fun with that decision.

Interesting point, Isen.  Oh, by the way I think you misspelled your name.